I was like that for a while and everything was a struggle until I figured out how to meet more of my social needs and need for respect. They’re fundamental human needs and if they’re not getting met, it’s going to be hard to think about anything else.
It really does sound like your current situation is not ideal in terms of your job and social outlets.
Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that the people you care take will be okay without you for five years? In some cases I know of, people think they’re more needed than they actually are, and they have just latched onto the role of caretaker for psychological self defense.
You need a change of some type in your life man. Staying on the your current path seems like a very bad option.
School sounds like a waste to me given what you’ve said about your experience. PRs to popular open source repos is the way you can gain credibility. After that, it shouldn’t be too hard to beg your way into an internship. And then once you’ve broken in, everything should be relatively easy. Also, it sounds to me like you’ve GOT to figure out your loneliness situation with a change in scenery. Maybe live in Costa Rica for a while at a cheap hostel popular with young tourists? Something.
Good luck man. These are my context less, pretty worthless two cents. You have so much potential! Don’t listen to the doubters inside or outside. But you may need to make some hard decisions.