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But that's not Stockholm Syndrome. It's more sunk-cost fallacy and inertia.

Oh, that is interesting. I can see it.

Last time this came up I really got value out of https://www.codingfont.com/ to compare fonts in a tournament style until I found a font I liked. Years later I'm still happy with my font selection. I consider this passing it forward.

Edit: There is annoying popup, but click away from it and you can do the thing.

My perspective is different than what has been posted, so here it goes.

I knew I could outwork everyone and brute force being a better programmer by a function of continuous improvement through hours of work. (btw I was wrong, there is always someone out there that will outwork you...and they will be smarter than you, but hey it made sense to me).

I didn't realize I made it until

a) People would recognize me in meetings because of my code

b) New programmers started to ask me for advice

...now I'm in the Sr Devs, Tech Leads, and Lead Architects ask me for advice level. Honestly, I still have the same attitude, if I work effectively, I can keep getting better. Notice that I remove the "work harder" part.

Shhh....

Conspiracy theorists just move to a new conspiracy, they never go back and evaluate how they got swindled the first time.

I was about to say the same thing. We currently use a podman container, deploy it in Kubernetes, build container images with it for CI, push them and scale down the podman container.

I now have two new goals.

1. Rewatch TNG

2. Emulate Picard

The implication of CEOs has always been that good leaders increase profits. Bad leaders reduce them.

I was telling my wife that internet of today is how p0rn sites looked in the late 90s. Popups, ads everywhere, miss-direction, can't go back, click this link to go here which might or might not take you there, links that look like site links but are actually ads.

It's making everything suck.

If it's a small meeting I will say, "Give me a moment, I'm thinking". Even then it's faster thinking than I would like.

If I'm forced to answer something, the more significant it is the more of a caveat I will make. Something along the lines of "Right now, I think X would be fine, I'm worried that Y might cause problems. I will look at the code and let you know".

Then I always make sure to reply in an email to say for our conversation on X, I looked at Y, I found this, and also realized that Z will be affected. I'm basically buying time, the key, at least from my perspective is always going back and answering properly.

OK, that is true in a way, I do think it depends on when you are thinking about retirement age, your future plans post-retirement, your family situation and how the market is doing in general.

I have 4 kids, in Silicon Valley I would need $1.2M to buy a 4-bedroom house (2018 average). Where I live, I own two 5-bedroom houses for a total of $240K. So now I have secondary income and my taxes are much lower than the $1.2M house taxes. This thing kind of cascades let's say you put $200K down for your $1.2M house, so $1M loan also means your 4% interest will be a lot more money than my 4% interest rate. Your school taxes, and property taxes would be much more $ as well.

All that money has to come from somewhere. Does it mean your 401K % contribution is lower? Does it mean that if you do retire with twice as much money in retirement you will be spending all the profits paying your taxes? Maybe, maybe not.

I think that's kind of impossible to predict clearly what's more beneficial. For me I rather have my houses fully paid by the time I retire, I'm trending to have paid both of them off in about 8-10 years. I'm putting 13% to 401K, 6% in IRA and living a comfortable life. Would I have 4 kids if I living in NYC or the Valley? Definitely not.

I'm not trying to argue that my way is the best way. Just that it's just "a way", an alternative for someone that is tired of working in FAANG and wants something else.

There is a weird hack about compensation. Move to a place with a much lower cost of living. I'm not talking about suddenly moving to Thailand, you can stay within the US, there are lot of smaller cities that needs tech but their cost of living is much lower.

Basically the math works like this, if your cost of living is 200% US average (San Fran, LA, NYC are there or higher) and you move to a 96% US average your salary might drop 50% but you are still making the same amount of money essentially. In reality it might drop 30% so you will be getting a raise.

Then you can do things like own a house for $100k or less.

Sure.

The main gist is adult or unknown content is not OK. Video game, creative (draw, paint etc), educational videos are fine.

Of course, I have had to refine these rules as things came up.

No TikTok videos on Youtube (the inappropriate to OK videos ratio is way to hit)

No funny prank videos (because most of them are people being mean to others)

No scarry videos unless it's kid Halloween videos and all the kids are OK with watching it (remember they share one screen and take turns on deciding)

Funny animal videos are fine.

Music videos are fine if we have watched it already with them, if they are not sure add "lyrics" to the end of the song and watch the lyric version or ask us (they just opt for lyrics to avoid having to ask/waiting)

If someone uses naughty words once it can be ignored, if they do it a lot especially if the 6-year-old is watching it's an auto change and the youtuber to be avoided (We allow our kids to curse in their rooms if they wish, but not at each other, in public, school or people that might have a problem with it, like their grandparents)

No videos from random channels about boyfriend/girlfriend drama, unknown origin animations about love stories (ratio of inappropriate language, innuendo, sexism, misogyny, abuse is too high). Again, they can ask if they are not sure.

I think that's pretty much it. Every few days, mainly when I watch a youtube video (probably every 2-3 days) I will look at the history. If I find something borderline I will watch the video briefly, if there is a problem, I will explain what it was, if it turns out it was an OK video I will move on.

If I find problematic youtubers I will block them, this is rare, but it has happened. I also see what the Youtube algo suggests, if I see a suggestion that seems iffy, I will mark it as not interested so my kids won't be drawn to it. As time has progressed their feed has gotten cleaner, and they understand what they can and cannot watch better.

Oh, and another thing I have Youtube Premium to avoid ads, because for some reason Google allows some really weird advertisements for children at times. I basically replaced my Spotify subscription for this, and started listening to Google music.

For me there is things you do that give you long term satisfaction and things you do that give you short term satisfaction.

I think both have a purpose and a place. However it's inherently obvious that things that are only short term satisfaction and the most dangerous, because you keep repeating the cycle.

For example liking memes is a short burst, a second later they are no longer relevant. For others it's shopping. You get a mini-high, but a few moments later that's gone. A lot of people seem to just keep pressing the button, get a droplet of happiness and press the button more time. That becomes a vicious cycle.

Essentially if your actions today are identical to tomorrow and nothing has changed, you are stuck in a loop. I'm not trying to argue that everyone needs to be hyper-productive all the time. What I'm talking about is if all your hobbies are consumption, you might be stuck.

D&D, which I play is different because you are doing it in a social setting. It's more like socializing with an excuse and a purpose, you get to exercise your creativity, imagination, you are actively using your mind. Passing things like watching youtube all day or drinking don't do that.

See my reply to the original question.

Just to be clear my oldest, now in 8th grade does ask occasionally to have a phone still. I gave her a pre-pay flip phone for emergencies, it can text and call, that's pretty much it. She also has a simple mp3 player for music that I put mp3s in, no internet access.

They also have access to Youtube using my old phone. However, I have very clear rules about Youtube, which I can share if someone is curious. Finally, they have Amazon tablets with parental settings for their age group, and pretty much everything disabled except for books and kid apps.

I'm explaining all of this so people can understand that they have access to some electronics. Basically, I have covered some electronic needs that they have like music, watching an occasional video, play video games.

One of the advantages is by having specific devices for specific things I know what they are doing without having to watch over them.

Youtube is the biggest exposure my kids have. I have my account logged in, so I can see what they watch, they know this. With no adult settings. Moreover, there is only one time they are allowed to watch Youtube it's an hour and all 4 of them take turns. This has actually created something I didn't expect, it forces them to find common videos they can all enjoy, or they just won't watch at specific days that the videos are "boring".

If I look at the history and find a problematic video I will set expectations, reminders and sometimes I outright block certain channels. What's interesting is now that they have been doing this for a few years they monitor themselves. I hear them say "we can't watch that, find a different video".

To answer the other part of the question of do they "healthy social lives". They do. I actually thing social media gives you a false sense of socializing. "Look at all the friends / likes I have". Instead, my kids actually talk to other kids or play. My oldest is more into hang out, draw, listen to music kind of thing. Overall, my wife is really social by nature, she has what I call people magic, so my kids have learned to emulate that. We coincidentally moved to a new house this year, within a week they had established multiple friends and befriended the entire neighborhood.

Boredom helps, we all try to avoid it like the plague, but being bored allows you to become more creative. My kids go outside more, it helps that I have 4 because they can play with each other if no one else is around.

I don't want to pretend my kids are perfect, and I am an amazing dad. They have faults, so do I, a lot of them. To me the key is setting clear expectations and explaining the why. The joke in my house is they will probably learn how to drive before they have a cellphone. Honestly that might happen.

I have not

I do this with code a lot. If I work on a very hard, complex problem, which usually takes me about 1 to 2 weeks, I will switch to a very simple problem next. Ideally, I like jumping from complexity to known problems, with known solutions that just have to be coded.

In instances that a problem is so complex that it takes me more than 2 weeks, I will switch mid-problem for a couple of days. It gives me the time to recover, and a lot of times I can then attack the problem with a fresh perspective.

It's one of the reasons I'm one of the most prolific coders in the company I'm in.

I know that people mentioned you can't jump to the conclusion that it's social media, but on a personal level with two teen girls I have noticed something interesting.

Taking into account my friends/acquaintances that I'm familiar with their kids, so a sample of probably about 25ish teen girls. There is a big correlation of social media/cell phone access and issues.

Bullying, exposed to adult content, comparing yourself to others, drama, all have one consistent source, social media and cell phone apps. Personally, I don't allow social media, and my kids don't have cell phone access. They're in a very tiny minority compared to their peers. To me the benefits of this far outweigh any drawbacks.

I'm not saying that bullying doesn't happen outside social media, or anything like that, however, there definitely seems to be a heavy correlation between cell phone use and general teen angst. My girls, a small sample of two, seem to not have the same issues their peers have.

I strongly recommend evaluating the use of cell phones with your children for their own mental and emotional well-being. It has actually made me use social media a lot less because of it.

It kind of sucks that I'm stuck in the looking for the best solution instead of coming for a solution. I don't do this when I code and I probably should, and for my personal life I do it too much and probably shouldn't.

This is what gets me. Of course, if I could do the thing regardless of my feelings I wouldn't read about self-discipline, it would already be handled.

My biggest frustration with the self-help industry is that nothing addresses the fundamental action that needs to be taken. It's little tricks and hacks. They might work temporarily but then that goes away...because guess what you need discipline for sticking with the little tricks and hacks as well.

On the flip side, if you hate what you do, why do it?

This is what ChatGPT has to say about it:

No, it is unlikely that ChatGPT will be able to replace Google in two years.

I have been fortunate enough to be close friends with three different people that have what I call "people magic". One of them ended up being my significant other so I have been able to closely observe the benefits.

Life becomes easy mode. What's even more interesting is that it's a circular loop, because it's easy mode, they do people magic easier, which makes easy mode all over again.

Here is a list of observable and repeatable things I have witnessed multiple times:

* Everyone smiles at you, they are genuinely happy to see you (even strangers)

* You can always get help for anything at any time

* What you say, even if it's wrong will be accepted as true (unless you are wrong too frequently...but people magic people don't do that)

* Everyone will gravitate towards you no matter where you are

* A huge amount of choice when it comes to partners or choice of friends. (I joke with my SO that if we divorced, she has about 15 people that would date her instantly)

* People go out of their way to please you almost to an irrational level (things like acquaintances giving you $50 for something random, waitresses telling you what to avoid, cashiers telling you if something is good or not)

* Everyone opens up at you, again to a deep level. My SO knows so many "secrets" from so many people, things their partners don't know, things that they have barely accepted

* Raises and promotions all the time. This is cyclical, everyone likes you, you get promoted, customer/clients/coworkers like you enough to tell your boss, repeat

I can keep going.

I'm an introvert socializing is hard at times, but I won't lie people with true people magic play on a different level. They almost bypass all constraints of society with ease. It's all because they know how to talk and listen to people. People magic people do one more thing though, they have the ability to make you feel special. It's done in a genuine manner...that's how they get you.

4 kids, wife

Wake up at 5:40

Kid prep, school buses etc

7:30 go to my office, write down my todo, journal

7:45 yoga or gym

8:30 cardio + read email, chats, reply to emails

9:00 write code

10 standup

10:30 write code

11:30 lunch

12:00-5:00 work

I used Zappier to essentially take the local weather and send it to my evernote email address (which you just get by having evernote) so it would create an entry for me with the weather.

Vitamin D and mood was done manually for me. All of these were part of my Timeline notebook that focused on daily events.

I consider this "ephemeral" tracking because it's not data you can benefit from in a long term fashion. For example if my happiness ratio is up by 2 points if I take 5000 extra IU of vitamin D a day, it might not be true 10 years from now. Which makes any data you get useful for a short time, but then it's just noise. You can't leverage.

Since it's just data points you can't even claim there is an emotional connection to it. I do tend to be very light in terms of data though, perhaps you might like seeing things from 15 years ago.

I'm a thinker, but when I start talking my brain freezes up. Maybe I need to start writing things down like you, this will allow me to organize my thoughts before I share them. Thanks.

Yeah, my SO has said the same thing. Sometimes I assume everyone is dumb which is not my intent, but it comes across that way.

Another reply said something similar, I should stop trying to anticipate questions and answer them. Instead explain and then respond to questions if they come up.

Thanks for your input. Trimming the fat of my communication would be helpful.

This statement nailed one of my problems:

"Don't try to anticipate the questions too much. You'll be wrong about what what's going to give people difficulty no matter what"

If I stop doing that, it will reduce my verbosity by about 50% or more.

Part of it has to do with English being my second language. I have a slight accent from an uncommon country. At times I want to ensure people understood me despite my accent. Repetition is one way I ensure that.

That's not the only reason, but it is a contributing factor.

Edit for your edit: You have an interesting perspective of would you use a search engine that took 30 minutes to give an answer.

I got promoted twice, I'm 43. Nothing has really changed. I tend to be more grumpy about new technologies, because they are repeats of what was cool 20 years ago.

Coding marathons are overrated. Sometimes the best code is not writing any or even better removing code instead of adding to it. I have always focused on effectiveness over output which helps.