throwawaydev123

Yes, I agree, it's not all on them and this is a learning opportunity for me as well.

Sorry, can you elaborate a bit more? I read his autobiography a looong time ago but I don't recall much of it. Maybe time for a reread.

It is indeed hard to take a step back and view without my own biases. I definitely have had my faults. I sometimes respond in a short and direct way that can be seen as aggressive. I can agree that I am part of the problem, but I have a hard time seeing myself as the one creating most of the problem, fear, especially given all the signals that I am doing well at my job (recent peer recognition of achievements, recent promotion) with the exception of this issue.

So maybe you are right and time will tell how this will go.

edit: actually is there a strategy I can get honest feedback from other coworkers if indeed I am creating fear in the team as you say? I would want to know so I can stop whatever I'm doing.

> Do you have any trace of this in writing? Yes. One problem was they were merging their code without PR approvals, which caused many regressions. This is generally not allowed in our codebase. My manager was aware of it and the extra work it brought on to the team. It took months for them to correct this behavior, where as most devs, even interns correct in < week. And it only ended when I escalated the issue to my manager's manager. My manager's point though was that the coworker was "improving" which was... true. They had been submitting a higher percentage of PRs over the few months.

sorry for the vent... This was probably the most "solid" issue I had that wasn't subjective.

> Make sure it will not become a he said she said issue. Every interaction in writing. Good point, I should document our interactions even during meetings. I rely mostly on our written communications to think through our interactions but recollections of meetings are unclear. especially when I didn't view some interaction as memorable from my point of view at all but then later it's used as a vague example as "created fear" in a meeting.

> When doing things in writing, do not exclude th possibility of reading what you wrote and thinking "Holy cow, I'm the asshole". Either way, verba volant, scripta manent.

Also good advice. I am not by any means perfect in my communications and sometimes I really was the asshole in some situations.

Did you feel like the person who hated you could have seen the favor as "one upping" them or "showing off"? In the past I've tried to help the co worker but I'm not sure if I was harming or helping the relationship now that I think about it.