allovera

>I almost have a guilt that I grew up with any amount of money at all and would be very willing to do anything for others, thinking I owed it to them.

I never, ever resent people for having had a good upbringing. I always feel happy for people who have two functional parents, who had food and clothing and love. It reminds me that such a life is possible, the world isn't always a terrible place, and there's no point in sinking into cynicism and despair.

I think the best thing that you can do for people who are worse off than yourself is live a model life, one in which you treat people decently, have strong personal boundaries, and love your family and friends. When you are older and you have kids, invite your kids' friends over for dinner. I cannot explain how much it meant to me as a kid to see a family that was loving and happy. It gave me hope and made me realize that my situation was not normal and not OK. "Teach a man to fish" and all that -- my friends' parents taught me to have standards for how families should treat each other, which is why I left mine.

I replied to rubberstamp because I want people to know that they should feel no shame in cutting out toxic family and friends if it is what you need to do.

Also, because I like working at Amazon and it gets a metric tonnnn of HN hate :)

>I think your dad and mom are also the victims in this.

They had plenty of money. Some people are just bad people. Sometimes these people are someone's parents. You do not know the situation and believe me, you are making a bit of an ass out of yourself.

>I wish you will move away from amazon. I hear horrible stories about how they treat their low level employees.

I'm treated very well here. Amazon depends greatly on the team: mine is a very laid-back, exciting team and we do not have on call. Again, you're making an ass out of yourself.

I've done lots of therapy. Really! It's very sweet how worried everyone in this thread is about me, but maybe I've painted a dire picture.

Time heals all wounds. I'm only 25, it's only been 6.5 years since I was last homeless. Even though it hasn't been too much time, I already feel quite a bit better:

* I used to have anxiety attacks and heart palpitations nearly nightly; now, it happens maybe 2x a year.

* "Money isn't everything - unless you don't have it." Without financial stress (yay corporate programmer salary!), I am much calmer and happier. Most people on HN are men so I don't know if you will understand this, but women (at least in the US) are often pressured to go into a "do-gooder" career. People look at me like I'm a snail when I say that I care first and foremost about being financially independent, but I've learned to ignore it.

* I've completely cut out toxic family members and learned to ignore any asshole that says "you will regret not having a relationship with ____ when he/she is gone"/"the bible says 'honor thy mother and thy father'" etc. If you say these things to someone coming from a family of abuse, you are very tone deaf. No one cuts family out of their life on a whim.

* Everyone talks about "not being a victim", but for me it was a very healing thing to admit that there were a bunch of bad situations where I was surrounded by bad people and did nothing wrong. Maybe it was pride that kept me from admitting this. Maybe shame. Maybe misplaced affection. Whatever the reason, once I shook this off I was able to move on.

In summary: it's okay to admit you've been a victim. It's okay to cut toxic people out of your life. It's okay to be selfish and "materialistic" sometimes. It's okay to ignore people judging you for things that they cannot understand.

Once I learned these life lessons, I left behind a lot of my issues. The more "physical" ones, such as startling easily and having nightmares, are relatively lightweight compared to the more insidious psychological damage caused by years of living with addicts and being treated like my needs were secondary to those of everyone around me.

I don't know if anyone reading this could be in the same situation as my teenage self, but if you're out there: please tell everyone trying to use you to go kick rocks. Know that you can do a lot of very awesome things, as long as you keep your mind open. And you are not "broken"! I won't lie and say Nietzsche was right about "what doesn't kill you" -- but you're never broken, not until you give up. Don't do that.

I'd love to talk to people in a similar situation. I just feel very out of place all the time. Imposter Syndrome is not quite right, but close enough.

>Mentality: I'm one day away from being homeless.

Exactly that. A while ago, I had to move. I just collapsed. It brought back too much about being kicked out over and over again. And yet, I can't seem to stop moving. I've lived in four states and two countries and I'm only 25. I think after being homeless so long I am just eternally homeless.

I find the opposite - I'm deeply ashamed about growing up in poverty and rarely admit it. When it comes up, I find it creates distance between myself and my co workers. They get uncomfortable and I always feel like they think I am judging them somehow.

I don't seem poor anymore: thousands of dollars on dental care, I dress OK, I have a fairly polished accent now. I don't talk to most of my family. My old friends live several thousand miles away and their world of drug abuse, poverty, and dysfunction is now one I only experience via the occasionally post I read on my Facebook feed.

The PTSD remains -- the anxiety attacks in the middle of the night when I think I hear yelling, the flinching and heart palpitations when a co-worker sneaks up on me as a joke. I feel ashamed to mention this as well, because PTSD seems to have become a fashionable affliction to claim to have, like Celiac disease. I look for all intents and purposes like a normal 20something white girl. The few times I mentioned PTSD I actually saw someone eye roll. They don't know about flashbacks to homeless shelters, finding people OD'd in bathrooms, being attacked for just existing.

I think the social circles I now move in have made all of this unmentionable. I am glad the author of this piece is at least bringing it up and talking about it. The isolation I feel among co workers and friends now is often very intense.

This article had me in tears. I grew up so poor I often didn't have shoes and wore dollar-store flip flops in the winter.

Deadbeat dad, opiate addict mother. I was shuffled constantly from relative to relative, friend's house to friend's house. I had some very supportive teachers, including one who paid for my AP tests and SATs. I got an offer to a university in the UC system. Life was looking up!

In the last semester of my senior year, my stepmom kicked me out of my dad's house. I shuffled back and forth between friends' houses, too embarrassed to explain the situation to an adult. I had to sleep rough a few times and got pneumonia from not having a whooping cough vaccination. I coughed so hard my ribs cracked. I missed a class where I had to turn in a midterm, my teacher wouldn't accept it late ("you kids always make up excuses"), I couldn't get a doctor's note because I hadn't been to the doctor. Welp, failed the class. The university rescinded my admission for the failed grade. I lost all my scholarships. I ended up bouncing around homeless shelters for a few months while I recovered my health.

Eventually, I went to community college, transferred to a top 10 university. Now I work at Amazon as an SDE and make well over six figures. Happy ending, right? Well, no -- for years, I blamed myself for "blowing" that university opportunity. I felt horrible. I felt so ashamed.